Am I a moaning minnie?

I think you know you moan too much when a colleague says "don't get her started on that again" followed by "oh Rachel" when you begin to protest. Perhaps I do go on a bit. Or a lot. I guess I just like to discuss my views and test whether or not my reactions are valid. Some might assert that if it is my reaction, then it's valid. Perhaps I don't mean valid, perhaps I mean reasonable, proportionate or even 'socially acceptable'. Would someone else respond in the same way that I have? I suppose that is the definition I am using.

So, I was airing my views about a particular occurence. It must have at least appeared interesting to an eavesdropper, as a third person joined our discussion. I started to fill her in, at which point the above "don't get her started" happened and the eavesdropper rapidly began to look like she wished she had never stopped. I wonder if that was because my story sounded boring, or she was put off by the thought it might be an issue between my friend and I? Or perhaps she thought I was having a work related bitch and wanted to join in but on realising it wasn't felt bad that she thought it was. Or perhaps I over analyse everything someone else does far too much, and what I should really be working on is my need to analyse myself (it can't be over analyse because I can't even analyse at present). So I shall be working on that.

I think its easier to analyse through written reflection than in my mind. I find my mind is rather too full. I don't think I'm shallow necessarily but I find I don't have many layers of empty space to think and reflect on my own actions. And perhaps rather too many layers to think about those of others. Perhaps I'm using them up on the wrong thoughts. No, I think that my defence mechanism left over from depression is to not think too deeply about my own issues. I can literally feel my brain freeze when I start to think about anything too deep related to myself. This might be why I keep shopping and can't seem to organise my life - because I can't let myself think about it incase the depression returns. It's been five years. I should have recovered. (I don't mean from the depression, I mean from the over simplified brain shut down).

I think I'll come back to this. I'd better actually do some work today!