Tuesday, April 28, 2009

On Redundancy

The sound track to my life has changed. Instead of hearing the regular ring of the phone, the click of the telephone exchange announcing the call, I hear a howl of a lonely dog, brief snatches of chatter as people walk up and down the road and the regular hum of aircraft passing overhead.

Next-doors cat slumbers on my knee, thrilled to have a warm lap to curl up on. I perch my laptop awkwardly next to me on the sofa. In this new life I have no desk, or at least, not one where I can use a computer as the internet connection is behind the TV.

My to-do-list, once noted in my work diary instead scans through my mind. Where once my clients squatted, they have now been evicted, replaced by shouts such as 'new job'; 'de-clutter'; 'washing'.

Where once I felt tired but full of life, I now feel restless, anxious, bereft. Everything has changed. And yet, the only thing that has is that I don't have a job. Nothing else. Odd, isn't it? You think it doesn't define you, but, on some level, I think it must.


jermac said...

I knew it was coming and I know you did as well, but I am sorry you have lost your job, not a pleasant experience. Good luck with finding a new job, on and up to better things as they say.

One small piece of advice, if I can be so bold, get a wireless connection for your broadband. You are going to be spending a lot more time on your home PC, you don't want to be doing that in dis-comfort.

Rachel said...

Thanks Jermac.

And I think you are right about the wireless connection. We have a wireless card - I guess we just need to get a wireless router.

missy said...

Oh no when did this happen :(
I was made unemployed a few weeks ago,it was my first day back at work from a romantic weekend in Paris with my boyfriend and it just felt weird having to get on with 'work' after being told 'we can't afford to pay you'.

Keep strong, stay focused and don't panic hope you have got through the stage of crying and needing a massive glass of wine like I went through!

Peonies and Polaroids said...

Beautifully written. I hope you find some definition again soon. I'm sure you will.

DAVE BONES said...

ahhhh and- relaaxxx! Capitalism is over!

polka dot (Jill Adams) said...

Oh, Little Miss Rachel, I just happened to visit your blog this moment, no idea why. I'm so sorry to read this. You were one of the first people to list mine without me asking, which is such a 'random act of kindness' - to me, the most important thing in this world. I know we haven't met & I'm sorry you've been made redundant (what a ridiculous word, I'm sorry - it's just cruel) & it made me think how in so short a time, we women have come to define ourselves through our jobs - or lack of one. It wasn't that long ago that only men went thru this.

I lost my 'job' - and in a way, my old career - when I married a British man and moved from NY to London. But I had mostly freelanced in my years in NYC, and I've come to enjoy the downtime. It's scary - and it hurts and feels like a rejection even tho it never is - and especially, not now. But it can also be exciting and empowering - just maybe not yet. Like Missy said, keep strong, stay focused and especially, don't panic - and know and trust that something new and better will make itself known to you. Trust the process.
GOOD LUCK and especially, happiness to you, Little Miss Rachel! (my childhood cat was Little Miss Carin - I named her that when I was 7, because that was our surname, and she was the littlest member of our family).
xoxo JC (P. Dot)

Louise | UPrinting.com said...

Aww... I feel bad every time I read about someone who got laid-off. Let's all pray that this meltdown will stop. A lot of lives have already been affected because of this. :(